Last week I watched as a man in a great escape somersaulted off a moving train. If you’ve ever ridden an Amtrak you know it’s like the wild west. There are hardly any rules and zero security. Half the time they don’t even check your ticket until well after that ship or, I should say train, has sailed.
That’s where the story begins, a man getting on the train without a ticket. I gathered from train gossip that the man was a “friendly stranger” who had gotten on to help a woman with her bags. I also heard that he was her boyfriend. However, based on her lack of concern towards his grand exit, I think it is safe to say she had never met him before this performance.
I was asleep with my head leaning against the window when I was awoken by screams. I shot straight into a seated position, and my eyes bolted one row in front of me to the vestibule. My mind immediately went to dark places as I watched the conductor attempting to pull a passenger back from the open exit.
His cries were panicked, “sir, you don’t have to do this!”
“STOP THE TRAIN!” was the conductor’s last words before marching away.
Bewilderment settled among the train car. Amid the chatter, there was a fear for the man’s life. Once the train stopped, I followed a group to the cafe car for coffee and an explanation. Succesfully I found both. The conductor at the forefront of the event assured us the man was miraculously alive and well. He explained that in a James Bond maneuver, the man tucked and rolled, before flipping him off and sprinting away.
Some people I’ve talked to marvel at the James Bond character, exclaiming, “that’s kind of badass.”
You had to be there to realize that the only badass in this story was the conductor who tried to save a life. I’m still ambivalent about the jumping man’s full intentions, but I suppose he just had someplace to be. All this is to say, skip the train and take a plane.
